is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
