I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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