So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
His nipple licking is glorious
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
