Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
