I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
