Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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