So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
