I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
