you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
