I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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