My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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