This girl is more easily done than said...
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
