Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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