I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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