Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
