didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
