lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Randomize
