Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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