i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
