guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
