If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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