Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
