yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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