is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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