Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Randomize
