I look better un-naked...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
