nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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