you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
