I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
