Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
