Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
