I feel great
I just peed on a car
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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