Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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