That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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