she takes plan B like it's going out of style
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
