Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Screwed.edu
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
