i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Can vaginas get frostbite?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
