So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
