my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
