I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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