i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I need to sanitize my soul.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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