remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
