Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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