i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
