her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
ok first of all what the fuck
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
