fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
