you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
