Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
