Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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