I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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